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coldshrugs · 8 months ago

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take a deep breath

vierapril day 10: breath

#io laithe #ffxiv #endwalker spoilers #azia gposes #vierapril24 #posting these out of order and at 2am T^T failing the community event #GOD. my game crashed during my first attempt of this and i wasn't sure i'd feel like redo-ing it #but tbh i've been thinking about this for a minute #what it means for her to be A Hero and still have anxiety on a good day. but on the bad days...#what it means to the people who love her most to see her break #maybe not for the first time but in a raw and scary way they haven't witnessed before #so important to me that thancred is the one who goes to her first (and who takes her inside). idk. their friendship is so special!!!#and estinien's shock is also v important to me (peep him dropping his lance). he's feeling so many things rn alkjsfdlk

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melooooo17 · 3 months ago

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@openphrase123 your fanfic(s but i mainly made art of the mira and siffrin one because i cant remember words for the life of me for i do not speak french) IS???? ? SO GOOD. SO GOOD IM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH finally something to look forward to in the week fr

Mild spoilers for it ig!! But nothing too explicitly groundbreaking i dont think it'll kill your mom to look at these without having read the ff first

Don't mind the shit quality i??? I drew all these so fast theyre kinda shit and i have yet to fully acclamate isat to my artstyle so it's mid

Teehee me when i make shitty rushed fanart to show my appreciation that i cannot put into words for my faovorite games and also authors

peep the rant in the tags

#isat #isat fanart #isat siffrin #isat mirabelle #god ive been obsessing over isat lately #its terrible how ive been feeding into it #ffs of it be having me giggling running around because siffrin is healing #not in this particular one though #at least not at the part thats written rn #i do love seeing them suffer in equal parts #siffrin my scrimblo i will microwave you #a mosquito is in my room as im typing this girl gtfo #slight spoilers for this fanfic i suppose #okay so THE FANFIC BROO that part where sif lets mira pick his name?! makes me think that sponsors always pick the names #hence why sif never got a new name and spica feels outdated #also i love LOVE seeing mirabelle get better and better at yk... remembering #needing sif to reintroduce themselves every time is such a creative way to do like a pseudo timeloop #everything was so neat #upset that i cant do them justice in drawinng though i have very little experience drawing black hairstyles #or like being around black people with such hairstyles which is a shame!! i would wanna get a better look at the texture and the variation #BACK TO THE FF i literally read this to my older brother out loud (thank god i managed to pester him to play Isat)#and my throat got so raw from speaking that i had to stop but then itd get to another cool detail and i HAD to tell him #so my throat pain? your fault not mine nuh uh not the lack of self control #case in point thanks a bunch for writing!! i wanna get as good at that as you at some point

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kazamajun · 9 months ago

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I have been meaning to talk about how accomplished Jun is though. She:

is such a powerful psychic that her clan apparently considered her a 'chosen one'

is literally such a strong fighter that she is able to suppress projecting her aura - something only the most powerful are able to do - which is why animals feel safe to approach her

fought well enough in the second tournament that Kazuya still thinks about her strength 22 years later in the story mode and waxes lyrical about it in his character ending (❓ on if she actually faced him though)

defeated Devil while pregnant ✔️ (only the half, but still counts)

has the survival skills to not only survive but thrive far from civilization

defeated Ogre ✔️

achieved the above via drawing power from sacred ground, something the average person obviously cannot do

is implied to have Yatagarasu guiding her per one of her intros

#in another world she's a shonen anime series main character let's be honest.#regarding the ❓ i have Opinions™ but tried to keep this factual.#being real with you the number of ppl on the planet that she couldn't school in a fight is in single digits for sure.#also raw strength aside i do feel kaz prob also deeply admires her spirituality #she has attained a non-material fulfillment that culturally is quite significant and as i said in a prior post--#--is considered a measure of one's quality as a person and the value that you bring into the lives of those you love.#i did not mention the 'kazama blood' or potential link with 'angel' bc rn those are not clearly defined #also being born with special blood isn't something 'earned' rly so while it matters™ it doesn't belong on an 'accomplishment' list imo.#i love that she's so strong and well rounded in her own right and not just 'the mom' or a distressed damsel

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thatrandomlemononyourcounter1 · 10 days ago

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I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate

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#college needs to die #I'm out here raw dogging life with no adhd meds while having a job and doing college #not that that's an excuse to complain but it's so hard to life rn #like I just need to go into hibernation like the squirrels I see in my backyard #my life is so chaotic #I got in a car accident two days ago and ever since then I can feel myself just #spiraling #I'm so drained #maybe I'm just lazy idk #tw vent #I don't want pity or anything I just need to put this out there cause if I don't I may actually explode

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givemewallywestorgivemedeath · 1 year ago

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Growing up in an extremely ultra religious, cult-like family was a mindfuck for multiple reasons but that doesn't stop unfortunately, even when you escape. For example, see: The overwhelming feeling of boiling hatred and shame for who you used to be.

The angry hatred for the past person I used to be, the version of myself that mindlessly parroted my family's beliefs and listened to their every command, constantly simmered under my skin and invaded my every thought. I was embarrassed of what I used to be- even as I made friends of different ethnicities and faiths, as I listened and explored new ideas and worlds that I never knew existed, as I started the first LGBTQ+ club at my school and volunteered with kids who deserved so much more- there was always a little voice in the back of my head.

"They would hate you if they knew what you were. They would hate the horrendous teachings that were seared into your mind, the things that you used to say and believe. You are nothing but a pretender."

And it is true that my beliefs were bigoted in all the worst ways. It is true that I believed truly heart-wrenching things without a second thought and judged others in such harsh and unfair ways. I told myself that there was no coming back from that, not really. There was nothing I could do to ever make up for it.

Then I remembered that the person who said those things wore velcro light up sneakers and collected finger puppets that the librarians handed out as awards for reading picture books. The person that held signs at pro-life rallies and anti-LGBTQ+ protests had a cherished sticker book and hunted minnows in the creek after school and adored their puffle on club penguin and was really into greek mythology and had skinned knees from climbing trees at recess and knew every Disney song by heart and was absolutely terrified of the dark.

That person was a child.

I was a child.

It took a really long time. Years and years of reflection and distance, but I've decided that I can't hate the past version of myself anymore. I feel pity and remorse, I feel anger- I feel so much fury and violent rage- at what my childhood was and I grieve what could- no, should- have been, but I no longer resent who I was.

I'm not ashamed.

I am so, so, so unbelievably proud of that little kid. For being brave enough to leave the comfort and safety of what I was told was right. For not being afraid to be wrong. For seeking out information and knowledge in a culture that praised ignorance. For questioning everything, relentlessly.

I am by no means a perfect person, I never have been and I never will, but I am proud of myself in every iteration that has ever existed because I know that I have never stopped trying to understand and learn and grow, and I never will.

If you have ever been in a similar situation and feel similar things, first of all: My condolences on your lost childhood. Second of all: Please be nice to that past version of yourself and recognize all the hard work they did to make you who you are today. That person was a survivor and an inspiration. They deserve nothing but love.

#started anti depressants recently. kinda had an epiphany. i can't hate who i was. if i met me now i wouldn't blame that tiny child #for their rancid beliefs or for being dragged to protests. because thats a CHILD. i HAVE met kids in that position and i feel nothing but #pity and anger on their behalf. so why am i holding that version of myself to a higher standard?#i could not have known what i know now at 6 or 8 or 10. the same way that i could not have written a college level essay at that age #but i did what i could. in my own 8 y/o way. i believed in love and humanity and happiness. i was just misguided in the 'hows' of it all #and i am so so so so so proud. of every single microscopic step that i took. every question i asked. every thought that i hid and protected #and pondered secretly at night until new ideas and doubts bloomed like a dandelion through the pavement #and I'm so proud that i chased that doubt. that i asked why why why why until their ears bled and their voices were raw #until their answers stopped adding up. until i sought knowledge elsewhere with a mind dehydrated and malnourished and begging for knowledge #in any form i could get. i just. if i could hug that kid? if i could right now reach out and give that terrified and lonely child a hug?#i would. a million times over.#anyway sorry for the intense personal rant I'm just going through it rn and I'm like.... actually feeling alright #its wild. did you guys know about this??? anti depressants make you NOT depressed??? shits insane fam #irl #personal

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lavampira · 1 month ago

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there’s a timeline where a smarter me didn’t sabotage herself by staying up late despite knowing how rough today would be but unfortunately it’s not this one

#my grandpa’s birthday :( i feel stupid for it like it’s been 2 years but i found some notes from him and my gramma cleaning recently #so it feels so raw and fresh rn honestly #and i’m extra sensitive and stressed about my parents and tired of getting snapped at by my mother all week #and tired in general like why did i stay up fr lmao anyway #the life and times

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ronispadez · 2 months ago

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son of a bitch. son of a BITCH

my throat is scratchy and all thats coming out is high pitched cracky squeaks. what the fuck what the fuck. heres some thoughts on episode 12:

aww heehee he likes himmmm (taking a 40 minute break to text my friend) brother :( gege... baby sheng!!! :D hes so cute!! :( :(((((( oh my god he failed on purpose as his ownform of conversion therapy. girl what happens when you go back to the dorms HES GONNA WAITFOR HIM THEY ARE SO WHIPPED FOR EACH OTHER AUGHHH

(ear splitting high pitched EEEEEEEEEEEEs of excitement, sadness, and pain)

#raw unfilitered emotion youre getting rn. i feel like i should be live streaming my reaction #roni says stuff #the on1y one

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bkgbstard · 3 months ago

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i just read the most heartbreaking bkdk fic Ever and i feel like throwing up. i legit feel so sick

#i don't even have words for the fucking raw emotion i feel rn #im not crying but im so fucking close to full ugly sobs i can't take it #i feel like a train run me over no joke #i need to read something happy and lighthearted or i might go mad #mha #bkdk #the yappening

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untimelyambition · 1 year ago

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veeeery parasocial of me but i love jon matteson hes just a silly little dude

#guys the hatchetfield brainrot is getting to me #jon matteson #hes just a little DUDEEEEE #im just looking at his vocals in tgwdlm compared to npmd #and his tgwdlm vocals were SO good don’t get me wrong #but i feel like his npmd vocals are somehow so much better????#and yes im aware the npmd proshot uses the studio recordings but even looking at that vs the tgwdlm album #he is so talented……..#and all his lines were so fucking funny in npmd his comedic timing and delivery are excellent #nani is my favourite line in the whole show i think #his vocals on ‘im not a loser’ UNMATCHED!!! so raw and powerful i cried #and watching all the little ‘jon matteson being a starkid fan’ compilations… it’s doing things to my psyche #im being SOOOOO parasocial rn #but like. love that dude hes just a funky guy #and the video of him and his fucking sweet bread babies or whatever they are on insta #giving them names and putting egg wash on them.#like????#love that silly little dude #nerdy prudes must die #starkid #tilda rambling

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 1 year ago

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I think a lot of Knives and Vash’s characters both can be explained by them having been the equivalent of gifted kids who were “mature for their age” and able to mentally grasp difficult concepts, but then also being hyper-empathetic and highly emotionally sensitive, while also having incredibly limited lived experience.

#I’ll probably elaborate later. Or not. idk my long posts are kind of hit or miss rn so I have to generate the raw energy to finish it #been feeling kind of bleh honestly #but yeah I think while this is an oversimplification it explains a lot #trigun #vash the stampede #millions knives #storyrambles

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wrestlingcentral · 2 years ago

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#cody rhodes #wwe #monday night raw #our gifs #made by: chrissy #wwe gifs #gifs: cody #ik im doing a lot of cody but im always in my cody feels especially rn ;-;#but this MAN I SWEAR LMAO

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pigeonstab · 2 months ago

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The vampire Killer /werewolf Cross thing (WHICH I HAVEN'T EVEN MADE DESIGNS FOR YET) has made me kinda maybe want to try writing. A fic. Of some kind of other. Lololol do not take this as a promise I've only done creative writing in middle school T T

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kimkhimhant · 2 months ago

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trying really hard to reignite my spark and get back on track with my fics but sometimes this fandom really feels like it's draining the life out of me lol

#want to be tolerant and supportive of everyone #and i know that my voice has a lot of reach in the kimchay fandom so i don't want to complain publicly too much #because i don't want people to feel attacked #but like. jfc #lol #i tried to make a safe community with my kc server but it doesn't feel like one and idk what to do #i'm too burnt out and emotionally raw from real life and then i come online #for reprieve #and end up feeling discouraged and angry instead #so this is all to say #i'm not abandoning any of my kimchay fics #but i am really struggling to find the motivation and courage for them rn #benji talks

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crybabybat · 1 month ago

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My conch piercing is so not doing well and I’m so pissed off about it girl can you please heal please please please please

#I might have to take it out #girl is oozing 🫶🏼 and bleeding a little 🫶🏼 and is just. raw and red 🫶🏼#but I’m like. really really frustrated #in an autism way #I’m like. angry #because it fucking sucks to deal with and I can’t use both AirPods so I don’t have one of my most useful sensory aids #and it’s painful and I can’t sleep how I like to sleep #but like. my girl picked it out :[ it’s there for her :[ it’s a sign of her ownership :[#so I want it to heal I wanna keep it!!!#I just. hate the situation wagghhh I wanna give up >:[#I’m so frustrated #if I was 25% more frustrated I’d rip it out of my ear with pliers rn tbh #🫶🏼✌🏼#it’s fine I’m feeling fine #batty posts

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moonchild-in-blue · 6 months ago

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I've been painting my walls for the past 6? hours ? and i think the smell has been burned in my brain 😷

#NOT having a great time tbh but at least i am DONE #there's one more that needs to be painted but it's very small and only like half of it anyways #Big Wall is done and looks pretty ✌️ my arms are hurted #also i forgot to eat lmao i'm lowkey starving #mushroom pasta and anime time save me. save me mushroom pasta and anime time #silly afterthought but it's actually kinda nice to share these random stuff cus i feel like i actually did something #hacking my dopamine system or whatever #also i miss Vessel 🥺. which really has absolutely nothing to do with anything but that's just how i feel rn #thinking about the character.... free and fun and very cool 👍#i bet that Long Mf doesn't need the extra paint roll stick thingy. he can just. reach the wall. bastard. 🥺#anyways. my nails have been looking super gross for days and i can't paint them because they'll just get ruined anyways #so my hands are just. raw. plain. boring. not cool bro #darya talks to herself

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hawnks · 10 months ago

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Making another blog just for my thoughts and feelings about swords

#the thing I’m working on rn has so much sword stuff in it all I think about these days is swords #I feel like I’m mucking things up in terms of terminology and technique becuase what I know about combat comes from fencing #specifically saber and foil which. like even when I scored the point I would still often get hit #but the guy who taught me was like 4’10 and he taught me how to fence when you’re short #and THAT is luckily transferable. the raw technique of using ur bodily advantages sjsjdjdn #squawk tag

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